I Need a Break from "The Bachelor"

First off, this title is a little misleading--I love the Bachelor, have watched it and its spin-off shows for at least 10 years, and thoroughly enjoy the drama and romantic connections I get to see take place in exotic beaches and historical landmarks. I would love for this show to go on for another 20 years and to keep growing and changing to appeal to a wider audience. However, in the past several months there has been so much drama surrounding the contestants, leads, and the host of the show that I want to walk away from this fandom for good.

Something bewildering about the show is that In 19 years of being on air, 15 Bachelors ended their seasons with a proposal and only one couple is still together. That couple would be Sean Lowe and Catherine Giudici who wed in 2014 and now have multiple children.

The Bachelorettes have a little more luck; 15 out of 16 Bachelorettes ended their season with a proposal but resulted in only 3 marriages, 2 engagements (including Jojo Fletcher and Jordan Rodgers who have been going strong for 5 years) and the strange case of one of the Bachelorettes of 2020, Clare Crawley and Dale Moss who got engaged, broke up, got back together but are now reporting over for good. If you put aside the fact that contestants have found love with or at least dated contestants from other seasons and had success in that way, one could say this show is the real deal and the promises of true love at the end of the journey is credible.

I also found it interesting when I looked at the large number of initial engagements that start out strong but fizzled out sometimes mere weeks after the final rose is given. Former contestant Jesse Csincsak told author of "Bachelor Nation" Amy Kaufman that, "There is no 'What if I don't propose' option...It's just 'Here's the ring. Go give it to her.' " This gives the impression that most of these contestants propose not because they are legitimately in love and can see a secure future with someone, but because of the pressure put on them by producers to give America a good show.

The seasons last anywhere from 6-9 weeks, which to the average person seems like an extremely short time to date and get engaged in. However, I have known couples to get engaged after 2 weeks and they are still happy and married with kids now. The difference is, these people had control over the time they had with each other.

On the Bachelor, some of the top four contestants don't even get a one-on-one date. With lead Matt James, I could identify very little chemistry between him and most of the women in his season. I have always wondered how someone could really open up and be themselves, get to know everything about the lead, and genuinely fall in love with them when there are 20 other girls competing for his hand in marriage and a camera crew in your face at all times? This process has been proven to work, but at what cost?

When Bachelor Ben Higgins and Lauren Bushnell got engaged, I remember reading about how they struggled a lot with their relationship after the season ended. Bushnell had insecurities about meeting Higgins while he was dating several other women, which I find completely understandable. They ended their engagement shortly and have since moved on with other people.

When it comes to the mental health of contestants during the show, it's never discussed during or after filming. I can't imagine what a blow to the self-esteem it would be for your name to not be called in a room full of super attractive people who are all pining for the same person. When contestants get sent home this usually unleashes insecurities about themselves. They cry to the camera and share their doubts about finding love and never being good enough for anyone. In another weird revelation from Amy Kaufman's book, Bachelor Nation, producers have been known to track the menstrual cycles of contestants to get a better interview. Perhaps this kind of behavior is normal in reality television with several women being in one house, but to me it seems creepy, manipulative and a bit sexist.

Concerning Matt's season, I felt that bullying was especially prevalent. I remember thinking on night one that I was seeing a group of beautiful, diverse, and confident women who seemed genuinely kind and supportive of each other (minus "queen" Victoria). I thought this season would be different than the past few just because of the ongoing social messages we all see that encourages women to support women. But I was so so wrong. In my opinion, this group of women were the nastiest to each other out of any other season of the Bachelor. There were rumors of one girl being an escort, outrage over a contestant interrupting a "chat" to share her doubts about being on the show, jealousy over 5 new contestants showing up mid-season, and purposefully ignoring and gossiping about certain women in the house. When it came to Matt, I felt he did very little to control the situation and didn't send the right people home as soon as he should have.

Heather from Colton's season showed up 6 weeks into the seasons supposedly on her own account to meet Matt, but was abruptly shamed by the remaining women who told her she shouldn't be there. She didn't even last the night.

Another problem I see with the Bachelor franchise is that the contestants and leads seem less and less genuine each year in wanting to find love. I think that social media is to blame. I would say in the last 4 years social media influencers slowly started including Bachelor alumni. And several of them still have a very strong following. I don't follow any of them personally, but I do know many of them have podcasts, sponsorships, book deals, and routinely appear on episodes of the Bachelor or Bachelor in Paradise. Though it's easy to make fun of influencers (ever seen the page @influencersinthewild?) it can be a pretty solid gig that most people would love. You could quit your boring, 9-5 corporate job and move to Los Angeles and share your newly privileged lifestyle with 500k followers/bots. I admit, I would love to have a free FabFitFun subscription! But to me, contestants seem to have become more transparent about the fact that they are only going on the show to gain a social following and become a fan favorite.

It's alarmingly easy to spot someone who isn't really there or ready to get married and just wants to have fun. One thing I respected about Kelly from Peter's season was how upfront she was about enjoying the experience and not being so stressed about falling in love with Peter. She shared her excitement about where they were going to travel and focusing on getting to know Peter, and if they fell in love then they fell in love. She didn't try to pretend anything.

But as most remember, Peter's season was so emotionally exhausting for both the contestants and viewers. He ended up sending Kelly home early because he felt she wasn't being serious enough (funnily enough, they ended up dating after the show for several months). He was so focused on trying to pick his favorite contestant, he ended up blowing it up and getting engaged to someone who wasn't right for him.

From what I can tell, Bachelor contestants not only hope for a popular Instagram profile, but also a chance to go on the more casual spin-off "Bachelor in Paradise".

Recently, several bachelor contestants have been "cancelled" for racist remarks or photos. Rachel Kirkonnell, a top three contestant of current Bach lead Matt James, recently had photos of her from 3 years ago attending an old south Antebellum party with her sorority. These parties were seen in such bad taste that they were banned by the fraternity who hosted them 2 years prior to these photos. Kirkonell received a lot of backlash, with people calling her racist and the act of going to this party as racist.

Then, in an interview with former bachelorette Rachel Lindsey, host Chris Harrison answered Lindsey's question about the party photos in a way that was tone deaf and seemingly in defense of Kirkonnell. He said, "Is it not a good look in 2021 or not a good look in 2018?" She later responded, "If I went to that party, what would I represent at that party?" He received immense backlash for his comments, the way he talked over Rachel Lindsey, and his overall demeanor during the interview. After 2 social media apologies, he let Bachelor nation know he would be taking a step back from hosting duties for the rest of the season--including "After the Final Rose". This move divided fans, with some thinking this was a necessary move and others thinking he should still be hosting since he apologized.

Even more recently, a former contestant from Nick Viall's season, Taylor Nolan (who has built a business on teaching people how to be antiracist) had racist and offensive tweets unearthed. She targeted the LGBT community, Jewish people, and BIPOC with derogatory language and offensive stereotypes. The bizarre thing about her "apology" video on Instagram was that she said she knew these tweets still existed online but decided to not delete as to show people how much she had grown and been educated. The entire scandal made her seem a bit hypocritical as she frequently "cancels" others for similar actions but wasn't able to take complete responsibility for her own.

There has also been backlash concerning lack of diversity of leads and contestants. Though Matt James is making history by being the first black bachelor, it's still astounding there hasn't been more diversity in almost 20 years of the show. Producers have had so many chances to be more inclusive, and are just now only scratching the surface. In addition to racial diversity, I would also like to see a contestant on either the Bachelor or Bachelorette to be mid-sized or plus-sized. That type of representation also is super important but isn't talked about nearly enough.

I and so many others have to wonder if this type of dating show is demeaning to the contestants at all. It is not common for a woman's boyfriend to have 20 other girlfriends at the same time. The idea that these women are supposed to go into this show being completely okay with it and be able to adjust quickly is absurd. Whenever a contestant expresses that they feel jealousy from seeing their "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" taking someone else on a date, they get told that they know what they signed up for and it would be best to suppress the complicated emotions and not complain. It's a bizarre social experiment, and I'm tired of pretending the contestants aren't real people whose character can be so easily ruined due to a bad edit.