Why Do I Still Have to Defend Myself for Being an Introvert?

My entire life I have been a relatively quiet person. Quiet in public settings, that is. When I am with people I trust or feel comfortable with, I can look like an entirely different person than what say, a coworker might see.

It's the tale as old as time, what I wrote above. Are you bored yet? Please keep reading though, you might learn something from someone who probably wouldn't say this out loud.

Introverts are now told through television, movies and books that we are valuable parts of society and the workplace, yet that doesn't stop people from saying things like, "you should smile more", "you should open up more", "you should talk more!" and so on. Keeping us from promotions, dating opportunities, friend opportunities, etc. It wasn't always like that, and we are making progress in the right directions but it's not quite enough for the people who would rather the spotlight be on anyone else but them.

While people may think that commenting on how quiet we are is helping us break out of our shells, it actually hurts. I never want my personality to get in the way of my professional development or friendships, but it sometimes feels that way. I am not blind to the fact that confidence seems to be the key to success in many ways, however I don't see why quiet confidence isn't respected more frequently. The fact that my consistent kindness to the new people I meet is overshadowed by spouts of shyness or silence in conversations is dumbfounding to me.

In a recent conversation, I was told people want to get to know me more, and I should speak out more. After this conversation, I cried and got frustrated wondering why this kept getting told to me. Was there something wrong with me? Am I loser for being 25 years old and still feeling like the cool kids hate me? After feeling sorry for myself with 20 minutes of TikTok and a Diet Coke, I realized that no, there is nothing wrong with me and people can sometimes just be the worst--even if they don't mean to be.

According to this Forbes article, introverts are very valuable in the workforce...please see below:

• We are great observers

• We don't need external reinforcement

• We provide more meaningful friendships

• We tend to be self-starters

• We are more likely to take calculated risks

• And most importantly...we don't need other's approval!

So, are all of these facts true about me? An actual introvert? Not exactly.

I do think if you talk less, you see and hear more. I feel like I have a pretty good read on who to trust and how people are feeling, which can work well in my relationships. As for external reinforcement, I very much appreciate it, but it's not always given to me. I am a firm believer that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and you do have to butter up the people you want that approval from, which I don't always do.

Let's talk about friendships! In my experience, I have never been the person who is friends with everyone, but when I do have a friend, it sticks and there is a connection that I feel like not everyone can get. So deep, right? Let's move on.

I am a self-starter. I don't mind asking for help, but I would rather not bother people and fix things on my own. I admit, this can be a flaw of mine at times. As for calculated risks, I am very cautious and need to think about every decision or statement I make. Nothing bad about that in my book. And do I need other's approval? Yes and no. I think I would be lying if I said I don't want to be liked or seen as doing a good job. Everyone would be lying if they said that.

I was lucky enough to marry a man who is an extrovert, but appreciates my introvert qualities. He lifts me up, while others like him would rather ignore me or push me to the side. While the romantic aspect of my life is indeed successful, work hasn't always gone smoothly.

I remember when I was first starting out in the workforce coworkers were weird to me at times. More than once I got asked why I got married (I got married younger than most), criticized my work performance, and I sat back and did and said nothing. This was especially prominent when I was working in sales, which turns out is not my passion AT ALL. This is where I also learned that sometimes the most confident and outspoken people you come across don't have their lives together and are ultimately bluffing through life.

Is that confidence a bad thing though? In my opinion, yes and no. Believing in yourself is a great quality, and so is not caring what others think of you. But there is a fine line between thinking you are better than everyone else and not reading social cues when it comes to empathy and sensitivity. Hey, we're all a work in progress.

Obviously, I have my own insecurities and traumas that may set me back in life, but that's everyone! I don't think I should be punished for not talking as much the extrovert next to me, or seen as rude because of my silence. Unfortunately, the world will continue to see me as that and that forces me out of my comfort zone.

I'm getting better, though. And, I always want to improve myself and put my best foot forward in life. All I ask is that people give me a chance to show them who I am without being judged first.

Sincerely,

Someone who uses exclamation points in texts/emails too often so they sound friendly and not pushy